Excuse me, this is not what I ordered.

A fresh new starting place, whether we like it or not.

I told you I’d check in after the election. So how are we doing?

I re-read my last pre-election post, and it took on a whole new meaning. So…this is cheating and I know it, but today’s post is an excerpt of my last post, with UPDATES.

I'm not scared, you're scared.

Okay, we’re all scared, because we’ve seen this movie before. Even if it ends the way we want it to, half the theater is going to be unhappy. That’s kind of terrifying to those of us who just want everybody to get along…and “c’mon, let’s make a vision board together!” UPDATE: Too soon. I don’t want to play well with others, so you can stick your vision board where the sun don’t shine.

The truth is, thanks to this nine-year election season, Americans are grouchy and together in a crowded theater…each wanting to give the ‘shhhhh’ sign to the person behind us…all haunted by the deep dread that in a few weeks we will be sitting in the same theater half full of disappointed, angry people – all KNOWING we might need someone to hand us toilet paper under the bathroom stall before the drive home.

Only our ‘Midwestern nice’ training will save us. (And our Midwestern moms warning us to never leave the house without a pack of tissues.)

UPDATE: It appears Midwestern nice is not enough. Kansas City Nice, Minnesota Nice, Nebraska Nice…you can stick them all where you put the vision board.

Post-election-morning surprises are fun crowd pleasers, but only for 50% of us.

Until this current political madness, I’ve been a middle-of-road person who wanted every election to end like an unmemorable Christmas morning — with everyone getting at least SOMETHING they wanted. UPDATE: Did I really compare the craziest election in history to Christmas morning? Someone needs to revoke my Substack privileges.

I don’t think things are that easy this year, but our therapists are still right. We are each responsible for our own happiness; we can each make sure WE each get SOMETHING we want out of this. UPDATE: This may be a sack of lies. I was in a really good mood when I wrote this.

Let’s discuss.

It took me a couple of days of journaling to figure it out, but I know I can absolutely have something I want when I wake up Nov. 6. It’s just that I will have to get it for myself, and probably lower my standards. (I know. Ick. I hate that therapist answer.)

I’ll probably have to get my way much like my daughter got her way when she wanted to star in the play Annie when she was 10. She had to be the director and producer and cast her little sister. She had to create a theater in the back yard and be happy with an audience of 12 neighbors, all parents of cast members And she had to cast her mom as Mrs. Hannigan.

For most of us, post-election recovery will require just such perky scrappiness. UPDATE: If you find someone selling “perky scrappiness,” I would like to pour it into spray bottles and spritz it around a crowded theater.

This is…a tough moment in America, so let me be serious. Some of us will need professional help to untangle painful emotions and relationships – to repair real damage. Please take it seriously and reach out for the help you need.UPDATE: Therapists’ schedules are packed. You should have booked an appointment when I told you to. Sorry…that’s not helpful. Sorry. Sorry.

If you’re in pretty good shape and up for a self-guided happiness plan, start with Harvard psychologist and stARTist Daniel Gilbert in this Top 10 Ted Talk The Surprising Science of Happiness. You’ll learn how our psychological immune systems help us synthesize disappointment and reset our optimism.

As you may be frustrated to notice, I’m trying not to give away my political leanings. UPDATE: I’m not trying so hard anymore. But my FANTASY is that all of the STARTists in this crowded theater will wake up on November 6 and begin stARTing our way to our own individual happiness, and to a new collective healing.

If you’re impatient like I am, here’s how STARTists can fast-forward resetting happiness: UPDATE: You’re going to get mad at me if you read this too soon. I stand by this list.

1. Start making something! Make a new recipe, write a poem, build a birdhouse, or start a conversation club of people who you’re certain would slip you toilet paper under that stall.

2. Start journaling! Talking to ourselves is the way we find out what we really want and whether we are being spoiled brats. Journaling is proven to move us forward, reduce stress, unearth epiphanies, ignite ideas, and even help our immune systems

1. Start listening! Do you have a favorite podcast? Get one! AND, get a second one on a new topic or viewpoint. Your brain needs new topics to trade places with the election junk.

2. Start planning! If this election gives you outcomes you don’t want, you can take charge by getting creative to build better outcomes next time. Imagine big and decide how you’ll move forward. UPDATE: Movements are popping up every day to help with this. Ask your like-minded friends.

5. Start laughing! Laughter is healing and energizing; I explain why in this article. I’ll also explain it from the stage of The Comedy Club of Kansas City on Nov. 13 – it’s part of MY election recovery plan. If you’re in Kansas City, come to the Ladies Laugh Lounge! (It always sells out, so get tickets quick.) UPDATE: Still some tickets available.

I’ll meet you back here after November 6 to see how you’re doing! (UPDATE: See, here I am. How are you doing?)

It’s interesting to look at things when the starting place changes. (‘Interesting’ is my kind word for ‘excruciating.’)

My wish for you: when you’re ready, find a soft place and start again.